I have been asked to write an article about ‘how to love ourselves'.  Here we are on a planet with 6 billion other people and we can feel unlovable and unloved.  This is an amazing phenomena don't you think?

Well, If I were Mother Theresa I might tell you that," Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."

If I were Don Miguel Ruiz, I would direct you to the Four Agreements and ask that you become intentionally aware of all of them in your daily experiences.

 If I were Carolyn Myss, I would speak these words to comfort you, "To love yourself, truly love yourself, is to finally discover the essence of personal courage, self-respect, integrity, and self-esteem. These are the qualities of grace that come directly from a soul with stamina."

If my name was the Dali Lama, my gift to you would be "Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time"

Alas however, I am none of these wonderful people so if the wise sage of these modern mystics has grabbed your attention, I will travel on the hem of their garments and share my offering with you. 

If it eludes us at all, loving self eludes us not because it is absent but because we are not looking.  It is our focus that creates the dilemma.  We make decisions and choices throughout the day and if the focus of our decisions and choices rests outside of self, our self image can be in trouble.  Here is a definition of self-image that may be helpful to you;

"Our image of self responds to how we care for ourselves with each choice we make.  This is reflected back to us as our self-image" ~R. Gillombardo 2006

Let's say I am on my way to work and someone cuts me off in traffic and I have to stop suddenly to avoid an accident.  If my choice is to speed up and tailgate the offending driver, lay on my horn and direct hand gestures at him or her, that choice acts just like a mirror reflecting back to me who I am IN THAT MOMENT.  THAT IS MY SELF-IMAGE IN THAT MOMENT.

If I like what I see than I continue making that choice in similar situations and my image of self becomes more and more fixed.  If I don't like what I see than I have the creative power to change my choice in similar situations and that new choice is similarly reflected back to me as my image of self. In either case, my self- image is a reflection of my consistent choices and becomes more fixed with each similar choice.  The secret is to become intentionally aware of our choices for they are mirrors for us.

You and I are human and will make mistakes.  Remembering this is vital to this process because forgiving ourselves provides the opening for new creative choices and a self-image based on accountability but not self judgment.

Each time I make a choice that is reflected back to me as something that is congruent with my values and principles, my image of self is strengthened. Conversely, each time I make a choice that is based on fear and not congruent with my values; my self image takes a whack.

 I believe fear more than anything else chips away at our self-image.  We fear many things.  You can define your fears for yourself and I can define mine. Some of the most prominent fears are abandonment or not having enough and we fear failure and death so intensely as to keep the pharmaceutical companies in the black.  Eastern philosophy offers something that I want to share with you, "We can't stop the birds of fear from flying around our heads but we can keep them from making a nest in our hair." There will always be something to fear going on around us but it is our choice to define ourselves based on those external events. Loving ourselves is an inside job that is well within our influence to create in each moment with each choice. 

It would do us well to remember we are not alone.  There are 6 billion other people with whom we are inextricably connected and our interactions with them, through our choices, determine our self image.